I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Randomize
