After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
