Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I just want nice things and good sex
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
