She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
