And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
