omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
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