i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
