my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
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