it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
