grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
