We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
