the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
A bitchslap is in order.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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