May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
