Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
