i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
His IQ is so high, I swear I started ovulating when he told me the number.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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