I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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