Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
