the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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