My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
