Well douche your snatch and let's go!
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
