Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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