Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
