If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
