i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
