Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
