I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Randomize
