Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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