When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
