the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
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