I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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