it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
