Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
