I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
