i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Sorry about my life...
Randomize
