Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
