She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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