Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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