god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
