On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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