end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
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