I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
