Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Randomize
