So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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