I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
