And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
