I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
