What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
