I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
