You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Let's get the cat blown out
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
