just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
