My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
Randomize
