WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
