He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
