does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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